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            Little bits of me that escape to my page.

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You came into my world a friend
And you left it marked with regret
There are so many things I wish
Most of all, that we'd made it

I wish I'd made an effort
And I wish I weren't so far away
I wish that our week
Could have lasted a lifetime
And I wish I hadn't wished my life away.

August 2005


Calling You

I waited for you, but you never saw
I called for you, but you never heard
I tried so hard, so long to find you
Now I wonder if you were ever there.

I didn't study you long enough, did I?
In my haste, I missed your face
And now the opportunity's gone
Now I feel that the time was a waste.

Deep inside, I know it wasn't
That the preparation shows that I care
But still I can't convince myself
Were you ever there at all?

October 2005

Fresh Start

What's this power you have over me?

I can't sleep for thinking of you,
Even though I never thought I could feel it again.

I think I've fallen in love
But I'm too afraid to say

All this time I thought I knew you
Yet even now I'm still learning

What makes you tick?
Where do you go in dreams?
What do you see in my eyes?
Where will we go together today?

I know it's risky, this game
But isn't it worth it?

I think so.

July 2005



There's a light
A sparkle
A glimmer
Just a pin-point
But there even so

And excitement rises in me
Is this really the end?
The tunnel's cold and clammy
Am I finally getting out?

The horizon, I must reach it
Give me footholds, ladders
The candle's there, let me hold it
I don't care what's there, I must have the light!


July 2005


I wait in vain,
To hear your voice.
But I'm afraid to call
Because I know you won't stay.

How can you promise to love me forever
Then disappear without a trace?
Why must it always end this way -
Can't you look at me without regret?

I gave you my most precious possession
My trust, my love and my affection.
But you stole my heart and ran away
How can I ever trust again?

So many questions I want to ask
And so very few answers I want to hear.
What did I do, or maybe I didn't?
To make your love fade away so?

I'm afraid to sleep, I'm afraid of the visions
Of what we had and what we might have found.
The dreams can only be that, a hope
The hope that perhaps you might turn around.

But no matter how much I sit by the phone
Or try to reach you through my thoughts
I may as well not have existed
For all the times I can't persuade you.

There's a part of me that's gone with you,
And an aching loss it seems I've acquired
I don't think I could ever find words
To tell how much you meant to me.

My heart cries out for the sound of your voice
My soul would forgive the hurt and the pain
But there's nothing I can do, to make you see
Except to sit here and let tears run free.

I wish I could understand
Why you found you had to go
At least then I could start to move on
But without you here, I guess I'll never know.

You were my joy, my inspiration
You were my whole whole world,
You were the reason I got up in the morning
You made my days complete.

And now, where can I find you?

Only in my sleep.


April 2005


"All I do, I can still feel you,
All I do, I can still hear you.
All I do, I can still feel you,
Now you're gone, I can still hear you.
Hear your call, underneath it all.
Kill my pain, but you still remain.

Crucify, after all I've done
After all I've tried, you are still inside.

All I do, I can still feel you.
I can still feel you.



"What have I got to do to make you love me?
What have I got to do to make you care?
What do I do when lightning strikes me,
And I wake and find that you're not there?

What have I got to do to make you want me?
What have I got to do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over,
And sorry seems to be the hardest word?"

Elton John



"If it hurts me so much, crying for you
Why is it all I seem able to do?" - JW


What if I werenít here any more?
What if I couldnít ever see you?
Would you even notice I was gone?
Would you miss me at all?

Sometimes I donít even know if itís you,
Or just a shadow looming over me.
Youíre the only thing I ever want, and yet
It doesnít seem that I matter. 

What if you were standing here,
But I was nowhere to be found?
What if I just disappeared,
Would you really care?

Because I miss you so,
And what hurts the most,
Is the knowing that you donít.
Thatís the telling blow.

Nov 2004


"I can't sleep
Everything I ever knew
Is a lie, without you.

I can't breathe
When my heart is broke in two
There's no beat, without you.

How can I live
When everything that I adore
And everything I'm living for is in you?

I can't dream
Sleepless nights have got me bad
The only dream I ever had, was being with you.

This loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't want to have to try
To live without you in my life.

So light, without you
Without you."



I seem to spend my life in transit, flitting from place to place like a seasoned traveller
Watching the towns and cities fly past my window as we hum through towns
And pre-recorded announcements tell me where I just departed from
I see but I fail to observe, because Iím on my own without her

And now dusk starts to fall and the streetlights glow orange
As we plunge deeper and deeper into the countryside
Whilst the rest of the world moves around me
While I sit in my tube of light and noise

The hum, drum of machinery

Waiting for the next station
Waiting for life to resume
Waiting to see her again

Because if you wait for me, I will arrive at last
Finish my wandering and find you instead
My heart longs for comfort, to hold you again
To hug you and kiss you and protect you

All my dreams come true when Iím with you
Can you hold on that little bit longer?

My heart wonít wander.

I promise Iíll be home soon.

Feb 2004


No, stay
I don't care what you've said or done
Don't go away
Not now, when life had just begun
Come back, and be the woman who I knew
Help me to believe in you
What on earth am I to do?

She's gone, this vision who was not quite real
I must move on despite the pain
The pain will heal
Oh, Lord, how could you let me love like this?
No one dies upon a kiss
And only fools believe in bliss

And yes, God knows I am a fool
A man deluded by his wife
A figure ripe for ridicule
Who's lived a vain and useless life
So be it then, I'll play that game
I do not give a tinker's damn
I'll be a fool, it's all the same
It truly doesn't matter what I am

God, no!
I'm broken, but I'm still alive
And slowly I will feel my soul revive
With time, I'll find a way to right this wrong
If it takes my whole life long
Lord, I'll fight my battles all alone
But make me strong

From the musical 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' (Knighton, Wildhorn)

I remember that day you lay on my shoulder
And suddenly all the world was right
Because finally, you trusted me enough
To let me take hold of your heart.

And as you slept, you fed to me
Such love as I have never felt from you before
But I know it was real, for even as you left
The look you gave me said it all.

Why do you now part? Your fear keeps us at odds
What can I do to make you believe in yourself?
Because the feeling you gave me
That you trust me to protect you

Is one I will never forget, and yet miss the most.



You said one day, I said another
You said you loved me, but were you my soul lover?
I fell for you with all my heart, but now why must we be apart?
You love me, and her even more.

Well here I am my heart lays torn.
One day we'll be together, that's what you said
Well that one day must come soon
As our love is almost dead.

Callie Dodd


Thoughts of a troubled mind

I found you on a beach once.

Such a perfect cone of creamy white
A corkscrew entwined with itself
Half buried in the shingles of Llanelli
And such a gentle sparkle as I passed

I turned to look
But you, as ever, shy
Shrank away from my lonely gaze
As one who sees another within

I tipped you up, and out
Fell the grains of the sands of time
I held out the tender flowers of love
You turned, eternity between us

Will it ever be there between us?
Will I ever hold you close?
Let me show you what it's really like
Let me open the eyes of your heart

I never kept that shell.

Can I keep you instead?



I can see you, walking towards me,
With a smile on your face and a song on your lips
Your hair shines like sunlight, but sweeter
As you gaze deep into my eyes and reach out.

But wait. You turn. It's not for me you long
Though I waited for you. So long I sat
Through the trials of eternity
Waiting for what? Your love?

Bitterness wells in my throat
As you turn away towards him
Who is he? Do I know him?
Will I ever?

What does he have that I don't?
Do you see him in me? No.
A lifetime of happiness or one of trial
Which will you choose? The easier.

He takes your arm, holds you close.
It's such a natural thing to do, yet it burns
I can only stand betrayed, and watch
And though I scream, no sound is heard.

I cannot even begin to describe
How it feels, to watch you, close in his arms
You were always mine really, don't ever forget it
And at night, the dream will live.


My Love

I had a love once; she was stolen from me
Her hair was like the finest silk
And her eyes were jewels, from the far, far east
Amethysts and diamonds, from the rarest of mines
And a smile unrivalled, she made me feel wanted at last. 

I worked so hard to win her heart
Put in the effort till it hurt
But she didnít see me, only him
And the sense of dťjŗ vu was just unreal
Iíd been there before, and not just once.

Jealousy made me blind, until I could see only her
She haunts me at night, in my fevered dreams
Yet that is as close as we get to each other
Once I saw her dying, and cried like no other
But she reminds me every day that sheís still here.

One day, one day soon,
Our hearts will beat together
And we will share that perfect kiss
Of one who has wooed so long
My love for her knows no bounds.


Exam Question: Describe Love

The student ponders, wonders what
To write without embarrassment
For love is a subject not discussed
In such a circle of friendship as his.

He writes:
'Love is like a field in winter.
It waits, and often seems dead
But come spring, it erupts
And bursts into life with vigour.

'Fireworks crack, and music swells
As she takes you, holds you, and the moon
Beams down and watches as you dance
Together, arm in arm.

'Love is like an explosion
It sweeps through you, and all
Those important things are nothing
For now the real thing is here.'

He continues:
'If my friends could see this now,
I know I'd quickly be alone,
But true love never leaves, as long
As you're with her, together.

'To fancy is one thing,
But to love is quite another.'

He pauses, and sighs with sadness
As he remembers, the love that once he shared.


Unexpected Song

And now, wherever I may go
Whatever I may do,
I see your face appearing

Like an unexpected song,
An unexpected song,
That only we are hearing

                                Andrew Lloyd Webber

You and I

Let me explain something.

I Love You.
I want to hold you, kiss you
protect you like a shield.
Let me hug you till tomorrow's tomorrow
Until I'm gone, and then
The memory of me will stay forever.

Because if you never try,
Then you'll never know
what really lies inside me
What really makes me me.


Words Without Song

I see your true colours
Shining through, I see your true colours
And that's what makes me love you so,
Your true colours make me fly.

Colours that show like autumn winds
Rich and light, they float
Each becomes heavy and sinks
Like frosty air, to a drive
Waiting it's turn to rise again.

For I see your true colours
Shining through, I see your true colours
And that's what makes me love you so,
Your true colours make me fly.


All poems are © Jonathan Wiltshire unless otherwise stated.