Dear Office for National Statistics,

Next time you sit down to design the UK census question flow, please ensure it does not go like this:

1. What is the date of birth for G [our young daughter]? Answer: late 2020

2. This date of birth makes G four months old. Is this correct? Answer: yes

3. With which of the following nationalities does G identify – English, British or [list of others]?

Answer: I have no idea, but I’m happy to send you the recording of her response when I asked her, and you can see if you can make more sense of it than I did.

I am reassured to see that you did skip questions about her employment status (always busy, never paid) and education (intensive), so perhaps there is some hope yet.

No love,
jmw